When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
