Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
