there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He passed out mid-signature
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize