I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
