ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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