yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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