I hate all girls vehemently.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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