there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you had me at cake vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
