Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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