dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
