At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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