i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
