I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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