I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it's like iHOP with fire
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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