How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
