I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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