Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
