i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
