its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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