the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
