Just fell off a train. Bad.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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