I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
