I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize