Screwed.edu
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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