You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
