I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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