Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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