i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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