You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
