It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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