I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
