so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize