Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize