It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
