dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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