I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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