why do cheetos always look like penises
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
