I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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