all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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