Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
