Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
