spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
