Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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