shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
