i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
