Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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