And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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