I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
