You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
