she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
