Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
