At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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