she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize