Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
