Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
