Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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