If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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