I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
