what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
