if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
