whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
