Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
