You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
