: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
