dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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