Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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