please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
